About the Author

My name is Cristina Gherghel, and I thank you for taking an interest in learning who I am.

You might know me under the pseudonym Cristina G. — author of Oranges at Christmas in a Communist Country, among other titles.

I write, research, and expose what is silenced: atypical neurodiversity, complex trauma, systemic psychological abuse, and the institutional myths sold as truth.

I did not discover my identity through guided introspection, therapy, or the mantra “be yourself.”
I arrived here through exhaustive study, psychological collapse, conflict, panic, and the structural impossibility of submitting to the monolithic scripts enforced by trauma experts, therapists, or institutional psychology.

Everything I write stems from direct experience and from real neurological conditions that are either misrepresented or still unacknowledged by clinical literature.

---

What I Have (And Why It Matters)

Aphantasia – I cannot generate mental images. When I close my eyes, it’s black. I discovered this at age 40, in Exeter (UK), while researchers were first defining the term. I was trying to “visualize” my future as a writer and couldn’t. That led to the unsettling realization that other people see, hear, and feel internally. To me, that capacity feels “extraterrestrial”—a neurological dimension I have never accessed.

Multisensory (Global) Aphantasia – I cannot simulate tastes, smells, touch, sound, or internal motion. I experience no mental images, sounds, or physical sensations. This may be more accurately called global aphantasia, to avoid confusion with asensoria.

Anauralia – I have no inner voice. I don’t hear my thoughts. There is no internal auditory stream.

Asensoria – I cannot simulate affective states. Emotions such as pride, nostalgia, or longing are structurally absent.

Anhedonia – I do not experience pleasure as others describe it. Music, physical contact, or social connection does not excite me.

Asexuality – I have never experienced sexual attraction. This is not a lifestyle choice or psychological reaction. It is ontological.

These conditions are not symptoms.
They are not avoidant behaviors, not defensive strategies, and not consequences of trauma.
They are neuroarchitectural, structured into my cognition from inception.
I explore their causes in depth across my books and blogs.

---

Structural Trauma and Psychodevelopment

In my developmental environment, there was a total absence of the relational input necessary for basic psychic stabilization—what some literature refers to as the 5:1 ratio of positive to negative stimuli. At no stage was the psyche allowed to recharge, recalibrate, or integrate experience against a backdrop of minimal affective support. This absence was structural, not incidental.

In adulthood, these foundations were further destabilized by prolonged and catastrophic exposure to trauma—especially through repeated contact with individuals presenting Cluster B personality structures (narcissistic, psychopathic, sadistic). These relationships reinforced the psychic depletion established in early life and further complicated identity formation.

Within this context, asexuality—already present from the earliest ontogenetic phase—was not caused by trauma, but transformed by it. It was conferred an existential dimension. What clinical systems may classify as sexual orientation or trait, in my case, is a mode of being, whose reversibility is not assumed.

---

Other Invisible Conditions

• Misophonia – Severe autonomic reactions to sounds such as nail-biting, gulping, jazz, or so-called “therapeutic” frequencies (Tibetan bowls, binaural tones).

• Multiple Phobias – Especially medical and driving phobias, with significant impact on daily functionality.

• Panic Attacks – Persistent for over 30 years, producing episodes of extreme somatic and cognitive disintegration.

• Social Anxiety – Paralytic responses to public spaces and interpersonal contact.

• C-PTSD – Complex post-traumatic stress disorder resulting from chronic invalidation, emotional targeting, and the absence of safety.

• Endometriosis – A debilitating gynecological condition, often dismissed or ignored by medical systems.

• Vestibulitis – Chronic inflammation of the vaginal vestibule, with profound effects on physical and psychological life.

And others still—conditions I refuse to reduce to a clinical checklist. They are not diagnostic labels. They are structuring forces of existence.

---

Why I Write

Because when I needed language for my condition, there was none.

I searched across psychology, psychiatry, metaphysics, and philosophy—and nowhere did I find concepts that mirrored my experience. I was unformulated in their systems. I did not exist.

Only Kafka, with The Metamorphosis and The Trial, gave me language. Later, Schrödinger’s paradox completed the picture: a person who exists and does not exist, simultaneously—both present and disqualified.

I write because the conceptual architecture for my existence was missing. So I’m building it.

I also write because:

• Personal development rhetoric lied to me.

• Psychiatry classified me as hysteria and hypochondria.

• Medicine sent me to psychiatry.

• Psychiatry sent me to therapy.

• Therapy gaslit me with metaphors of salvation.

I write for people who do not resonate with guided meditations, forced optimism, or “visualize success.”
I write for people who want explanation, not consolation.

Yes, I once wrote The Secret-style blogs and self-help affirmations. I sold the promise of “manifestation” and “happiness as choice.” But in 2024, I reached the threshold: Some suffering does not dissolve through gratitude.
Pain is not healed through mantras.
Wounds do not vanish through visualization.

I no longer write to soothe.
I write to reveal.

---

I Write About

• Complex trauma (C-PTSD)

• Narcissistic, psychopathic, sadistic, sociopathic, and panthropic abuse

• Arelationality and psychic foreclosure

• Systems of control (psychology, spirituality, personal development, state ideology)

• Female embodiment: menstruation, infertility, menopause, endocrine dysfunction

• Toxic and cultic family structures

• Invisible neurodivergence

• Structural erasure in behavioral systems

---

My Books

Independently published. Without compromise. Without censorship.

An AI once told me my books won’t sell—because they don’t promise heroes, fairytales, or stardust.
I accepted that.
If truth costs visibility, I’ll pay.

I write for those who no longer want illusions—but accurate structural mirrors.

📚 Books available on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/author/cristinagherghel

You will find:

• Intergenerational trauma

• Physical and psychological disorders

• Cluster A, B, and C personality disorders

• Bipolar disorder and mood spectrum analysis

• Invisible suffering

• Systemic gaslighting

• Abuse normalized through culture

• Reconstruction without platitudes

I also publish memoirs, short stories, fiction, and poetry — without pretense, but with integrity.

---

Related Blogs

🌀 Panthropic abuse and existential trauma
https://panthropicabuse.blogspot.com

🌀 A different type of neurodivergence
https://asensoria.blogspot.com

🗂 All blogs (EN + RO):
https://www.blogger.com/profile/18419031630884764162
https://www.blogger.com/profile/09734612303574078932

---

Some of My Earlier Works

🖨 Printed books by Cristina G.:
amzn.to/3Ff54OL

---

⚠️ Warning

Reading my work may result in:

• Existential discomfort

• Clarity-induced rage

• The urge to burn all self-help books in your house

Consult your therapist. Or interrogate them. Depending on what they’ve done—or refused to name.

---

P.S.

If you write but have never published:
Do it freely, without delay. Use this link:

https://www.draft2digital.com/CristinaGherghel